


You Know I'm No Good

by wordsinphandemonium



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, fluff I guess idk, help me omh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 20:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3742231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsinphandemonium/pseuds/wordsinphandemonium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lot of people expect Dan Howell to be the cheater.</p>
<p>But they're wrong. Oh so wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Know I'm No Good

**Author's Note:**

> HI! Ok so this is my first phanfic and well, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm thephandemonium from tumblr and look! I posted one of my fics here! Enjoy :))

I knew it was wrong. Oh my God, I knew it was wrong.

 

The dark room entered my vision as I slowly regained consciousness. I slightly turn my head to face the angelic man right beside me, slowly opening the windows to his soul. His eyes are so beautiful, flecks of gold swim around his eyes and a certain spark is accentuated by the sunlight pouring through the window. Warmth. Dan’s eyes remind me of everything that heat my heart, his brown eyes looking so sincere and loving, the spark making my heart stop. He slowly blinks and brown meets blue. Plump, pink lips tilt slightly upwards in smirk as he looks up at me. A tongue swipes above those sinful lips of his, dampening them and most definitely catching my attention. I lean down, capturing those weapons of mass destruction in a long, and sensual kiss which is, unfortunately, interrupted by the ring of a cell phone.

“Shit, Phil. Are you serious?” Dan’s breathless, slightly raspy voice brings flashbacks of last night’s endeavors and put a smile on my face.

However, the ringtone screams into the nearly silent room, rudely blocking my thoughts of how he moaned and shivered and begged under me. My hand stretches out towards the nearest table-like surface from the bed and I pick up the tool of my doom. Brown eyes look at the screen, making disapproving noises as Dan stands up from the bed, practically throwing the duvet on me. I glance at his elegant body as it walks towards the hallway, completely bare. He’s probably going to take a shower.

My eyes land on the _still ringing_ phone, my stomach drops and my guts churn. On the phone, like a mocking sign, a medal of my pure despicability brightly flashes a picture of a woman with brown hair, brown eyes, and a sweet smile. If trouble were to be given a name at that very moment, then its name would’ve been

_Elaine_

I took a deep breath and with a shaking hand, I swiped my phone to answer the call. To paint a clearer picture, a racing stallion took the place of my heart, a monster was forcing its  way out of my mouth from my stomach, and everything warm suddenly left me as an unexplainable chill shivered down my spine.

“Morning, darling. How was your vacation?” My voice slightly cracks and I silently cringe, hoping she doesn’t take anything out of it. Oh, Lord, please. Please don’t let her notice anything.

A sweet voice fills my ears and I nearly let out a sigh of relief before catching myself. The guilt burns like an inferno in my stomach, miniature demons stabbing my from the inside, making me want to vomit everything I hadn’t eaten.

“Oh, it was wonderful, Phil! You didn’t miss me, did you? Oh, I’m so sorry, love. There was absolutely no signal there! You would’ve thought otherwise but alas, there was none.” Elaine’s giggles cover the line and give me some time to regain some composure.

An Oscar should’ve been given to me at that exact moment. If you were to be some omnipresent god, you would’ve either clapped your hands at such amazing acting skills or you would’ve sent Death to immediately end my existence. “Hmmm missed you? That’s debatable.” I laughed uncomfortably. “It’s okay; I had Dan to keep me company.” _Oh, he gave you more than company, Philip._

The feminine voice took a sharp intake of breath and oddly, she suddenly sounded void of emotion. “Right. Dan. You still live with him, how could I have forgotten? You stay with me so often, now.” _Ouch._ “On that note, we should probably meet at the coffee shop at around… 5pm, yeah? We need to talk about something.” _No no no no no no no._

_Oh my God, no._

“Really? Okay.  Five. Got it. See you, El!” I wanted to end the conversation immediately. Scratch that, I needed to end it.

“Bye, baby!” What. “I love you!”

I fumbled for my words, at loss for what to reply. “Y-yeah. Bye!”

My fingers quickly gave no thought to tapping “End Call” and my reflexes clearly gave no mind about practically throwing my phone as if it were an unholy object.

I stood up from the temporary home base and grabbed the closest pieces of clothing—which were on the floor. Dan’s university hoodie and some pyjama pants.

_The television drowned on and on as the light of the laptops provided much unneeded illumination while Dan and I occasionally exhaled through our noses as a substitute for a laugh, whilst showing each other posts or videos we found funny._

_After quite some time, Dan laughed so hard he was rocking shaking on his sofa crease, bursts of laughter erupting from that pretty mouth of his._

_“Oh my god, Phil. Shit, you have to look at this.” He was practically in tears as he struggled to show me his laptop. On his laptop showed a video of a goat tackling some news anchor, leaving me guffawing and out of breath._

_When the laughter had somewhat died down, I caught Dan looking into my eyes. Warm, sincere, brown meeting mesmerizing, icy, blue. He took a deep breath and let it out with a shudder before murmuring something._

_“What was that?” I asked, confused and curious at what he was saying._

_Dan laughed and he grabbed my shoulders, pulling me so close to him that everything on the masterpiece was accentuated. He bit his lip and turned his gaze down for a while before looking straight into my eyes before shakily saying_

_“You’re so damn gorgeous, Phil. So. Fucking. Gorgeous.”_

_I gulped, suddenly noticing all the little and formerly minor details. The way his pupils were dilated, how he was breathing heavily. I could practically hear his heartbeat, see the meadow of emotions that lay right behind his warm eyes.  The way he gulped and how he seemed to be such in a trance._

_Nervously, I caressed his cheek. A chill went down my spine as his eyes fluttered close. I leaned in closer, savoring the moment._

_And my lips were in line with Dan’s._

_The rest of the night (and early morning) consisted of magic. Just magic. Probably loads of sex, but still._

Honestly? I couldn’t remember exactly how last night went but clearly they would keep Dan quite busy for a while as he sauntered—or shall I say, _wobbled_ into the room. His hair was in its Hobbit state, scattering quite messily over his head. Casually dropping over his eyes, making him look extremely innocent and pure.

_Well, we all know what a lie that is._

He stood in front of me, wearing _my_ hoodie and looking at me with bedroom eyes. Intentional or not? I don’t know. Dan was unpredictable that way. Or maybe he was just sexy all the time.

“Breakfast?” Dan held his hand out to me with an adorable smile plastered onto his face.

“Breakfast.” I replied, taking his hand and forgetting the sinking feeling in my chest. Eventually, a smile formed onto my face.

 

He was playing with my hair as we watched anime with our breakfasts (or lunch, since it was 1pm) empty and abandoned on the coffee table in front of us. Dan suddenly tugged at my hair, allowing unexpected moans escape my lips.

The brunet heaves a sigh as he interlocks his hands with mine. Dan draws circles into my palm with my thumb, occasionally bringing my hand to his lips, kissing it.

“You’re going to have to break it to her sometime, Phil.” I held myself back from rolling my eyes as I straightened myself away from his lap, moving my body to face him.

“I know, Dan. I just- I can’t help but feel that something bad would happen.” Dan laughed and he pecked my lips, “booping” my nose as he leans further back his sofa crease.

“No shit, Sherlock. Look, I’m not sure if this will help you at all, but either way, I’m still going to be here. If El takes it well, well then I guess you could guess what I’d do practically every night. If it doesn’t, we don’t have to keep in close contact with her, do we?”

I rolled my eyes as I brought my knees to my chest. “It’s not that easy, Dan. Either way, my mum would be upset. Her sweet, precious, son splitting with her ideal daughter-in-law? Dan, I know my mum loves you, but still. I’m not sure. We could hold it off for some time?”

This time, Dan pursed his lips, dropping the nonchalant façade. “Dammit, Phil. Do you know how hard it is? Watching my best friend across the room, with his damn near perfect girlfriend, looking like a damn near perfect couple, making me feel damn near shitty.” He stood up, properly standing in front of me with a fire lit in his eyes. “Phil, every single fucking time we go out, I can’t show everyone ‘Hey, look at my amazing as fuck boyfriend’. Know why? Because one, we haven’t ‘come out’ and two, you have a girlfriend! And you’re too scared to admit you’re seeing someone else!”

I flinched a little at Dan’s words. They were true, yeah. But when Dan snaps, he loses control over his filter.

Dan took a deep breath. “Phil, I love you so much. So so so so much. I would stand on the top of a skyscraper with the loudest megaphone ever. Just to declare my love for you to the whole city. To the whole world, even! Phil, I did not suffer having to wait for a long time to meet you personally,  act completely platonic during videos and events, and pretend that you don’t make my heart do that flippy over thing just so you could please the whole world who probably won’t give a damn if they found out.”

“Philip Michael Lester, I would do anything for you. If pretending to be you and fucking tell Elaine that we love each other is what it takes, then I will do so. I love you so much, Phil. When will you realize that?”

I was, unsurprisingly, at a loss for words. He had a right to lash out, of course. But it never really hit me until now. It came at me like a bullet train, knocking the wind out of me and only one thing remained in the mess that was called my train of thought.

_Dan loves me_

Shaking out of my current state, I looked at my hands, ashamed at what I have done. “I’m sorry, Dan. Look, I’ll do my best, okay? I will. I will.” I wasn’t even properly talking. I was just mumbling.

Dan was still clearly mad at me. He was breathing heavily and he wasn’t talking to me. Instead, he stood up, and walked away from me. Away from the man who has messed everything up. Away from the _cheater._ That’s what I was. A cheater. A monster who had no regard for anyone’s feelings but his own.

I will do this for Dan. I will tell Elaine. I will talk to her. For Dan.

_I love Dan_

**

The aroma of coffee greeted me as I stepped into the homely café named _Spilt Secrets_.

_How fitting._  I thought bitterly.

My watch blared out the time _5:00_ and as a response, my stomach clenched and I wanted to vomit. A sound was buzzing in my ears, and my teeth were chattering. I was nervous and I was rightfully so. I looked around the café, still blocking the front door. Nope, no sign of Elaine.

_Is she late?_

_Did she set me up?_

_Was I stood up by her on purpose as a metaphor of how I have made her feel?_

_Was she kidnapped?_

Clearly, I need to stop. The autopilot installed in me walked me over to a table for two. It sat me on one of the couches. Trying to gain control of myself, I took a deep breath and held in for a few seconds. I thought of all the negative things that could happen (which almost launched me into an even more panicked state), and I exhaled. Maybe it would work.

I heard the door chime and it was followed by footsteps moving towards me.

_Nope. Didn’t work._

A kiss landed on my cheek and a figure appeared before me. She had brown hair, a warm smile. She was tall and she was wearing black skinny jeans. She was Elaine.

All of the confidence I thought I had immediately flew out the window as she sat down and grabbed my hand. Elaine smiled and ran a hand through her hair.

“Phil. Hi.” She laughed and leaned back on her chair, crossing her legs.

I almost choked on my words “Welcome back, lovely. Do you want anything?”

Elaine nodded her hand and raised her hand, calling the waiter.

“So, Phil. How are you, babe?”

_Yup, this would end well._

**

We’ve been talking for some time, now. Probably 30 minutes. Our drinks were nestled between our hands as she and I told stories of what had happened and what could possibly happen. Now that I think about it, Elaine reminds me of someone. Someone extremely dear to me. The way she responds to my jokes, her own innuendos, how she smiles. Even her own physical appearance.

_Of course._

Elaine smiled at me and the next words that came out of her mouth were comparable to bullets shot out of a soldier’s gun. “How’s Dan?”

I immediately froze and nearly choked on my drink. “Dan? He’s good.” _Drink, drink, drink. Phil, drink. Just.  Drink._

The woman in front of me shifted her position to lean closer to me and she placed her drink on the table in front of us. The very eyes I had that followed her every move couldn’t look her at her the eye.

“Are you okay, darling? Something seems to be troubling you.” She asked me as she reached to stroke me cheek. I flinched and immediately regretted it.

“Sorry”, I mumbled. “I’m fine.”

She coughed once, and spoke in a harsher tone. A tone I’ve never heard her use before. “Let’s cut the crap, Philip. I know what’s going on.”

Everything came crashing down. All of my plans went six feet under, so did my resolve. Elaine knew.  Horrible outcomes immediately formed themselves as thoughts in my head, consuming me.

Nervously, I laughed. “What do you mean, El?

Elaine sighed and took a deep breath.

“Phil? I see the way he looks at you. And the way you look at him. Jesus Christ, Phil! I feel like the third wheel when it’s the three of us in a room! All you two see are each other. Think I haven’t noticed the way Dan becomes the human version of the heart eyes emoji when you’re around? Phil, don’t you think I notice the fondness that seeps into your voice when you speak about Dan? You talk about like he’s some otherworldly god.” Elaine shook her head and laughed.

“You know what else? I also know about the things you do together. How when a love song comes on, you don’t look at me. You look at him. At Dan. Phil, do you think I can’t see the hickeys you have? By the way, they’re peeking under your collar, if you were wondering. Let me be honest here, it hurts. It hurts to see you look at someone the way I wish you’d look at me. You’re in love with each other, I get it. But you should’ve told me, Phil. Of course, I denied it at first. Then I saw your phone.”

“Phil, you went out to buy something and you left your phone at my flat. I was just watching the telly when your phone lit up. Out of natural response, I looked at it, of course. I read it.”

“It was a text from Dan. That was nothing new, you texting Dan. What confirmed my  thoughts was what he said.”

“It said ‘See you tonight, love. xx’. Yeah, it did.” She said it as if it were a mantra. Something she’d been repeating again and again.

“So I guess what I’m going to say is.” Elaine gulped. “It’s okay. I understand. But don’t think I’m not mad at you. Oh my god, Phil. I am actually very mad. Not because you love Dan and not me, but because one, you cheated on me. Second, you didn’t just fucking tell me. And third, because I am still so hopelessly in love with you. But in all honesty? I’m happy for you.”

She took out her wallet, removed a sum of money out of it, and placed it on the table. Elaine smiled a broken smile at me and I properly looked at her eyes. There were tears. _Obviously, Phil._

“I paid for my own drink, Phil. Don’t worry. And goodbye.”

 

**

I entered the flat, still shocked at what had happened. As silent as I could, I walked towards Dan’s room and I knocked at his door.

“Dan? Are you in there?” There was nothing. I looked back at the lounge. The lights were off.

“Dan, I’m entering your room, okay?” Carefully, I opened his bedroom door. He wasn’t there. My  heart immediately started racing faster. Panicking, I practically ran around his room, looking for possible tell-tale signs of where he went. I looked at his bed and saw that his phone was still there. Dan never leaves his phone at home.

_Well, except for that one time._ I bitterly laughed at that thought.

Defeated, I walked to my room with my head bowed. I opened my bedroom door and I was shocked to find Dan there. Sleeping on my bed with the duvet up to his chin. Immediately, his eyes shot open and they widely stared at me.

“P-phil! I’m so so sorry. I’ll just go back to my room, yeah?” Before Dan could even get out of the duvet, I tackled him and ended up on top of him.

I nuzzled his neck and whispered “Don’t leave. You don’t need to. She knows.”

“It’s over.”

I moved to Dan’s side and went under the covers, too.

“Was she mad?” He asked.

I meekly smiled and stroked Dan’s cheek “Yeah, but it was inevitable. She says she’s happy for us.”

Dan sighed and moved closer to me, curling his arms around my waist, folding up his legs, and placing his head on my chest.

“I love you, Phil Lester.”

Contentedly, I smiled and closed my eyes.

“I love you too, Dan Le- I mean Howell.”

_Well, it won’t be too soon, wouldn’t it._


End file.
